First of all, “Mince” is what they call ground beef in England. Second of all, Sama said that this isn’t supposed to be humor, but by the first few examples you should be at least smiling, if not laughing out loud. Enjoy!

comprehensive troubleshooting guide for anyone with a problem, compiled over six years of telling people the same thing:

Hungry an hour after lunch? Ground beef.

Skint till payday? Ground beef. It’s the cheapest complete meal in the shop, and it was cheaper still before they got involved.

Family won’t agree on dinner? Nobody argues with a cottage pie. Ground beef.

Bored of your cooking? Burger, bolognese, chilli, meatballs, tacos, keema, lasagne, Salisbury steak. One ingredient, a hundred dinners, zero decisions.

Iron looking low? Ground beef. B12? Ground beef. The little grey question mark on your bloods? Ground beef.

Meal prep taking hours? Brown a kilo on Sunday. Ground beef.

Kid off their food? Ground beef.

New to cooking and scared of it? You physically cannot ruin mince. Ground beef.

Doctor concerned? The doctor is not the patient. Ground beef.

Trying to eat less processed food? Ground beef. It’s one ingredient. The ingredient is beef.

Marriage a bit flat? Ground beef.

Leak in the loft? Ground beef.

Situation in the Middle East? Ground beef.

Already having ground beef and still have the problem? You drained the fat off, didn’t you. Leave the fat in. Ground beef.

There is no problem in ordinary life that cannot be solved, improved, or at least made irrelevant by browning a pound of ground beef.

I’m aware this reads like a joke. Brown a pound tonight and count how many things quietly stop being problems.

That’s the tweet. That’s the whole guide.

Ground beef.

So, do you now think that Ground Beef is the answer to every problem?